I don’t usually make posts when I feel I’m in the valleys. But I think the valleys are more telling about our journeys than the mountain peaks. And even though they are exposing, they are real and relevant to me so I’ll try and start posting more than just mountain top experiences. But as of now, I feel like there’s two sides fighting within me. One is Jesus, and the other is the world. Right now my weakness is my patience. God has to keep calling me back because my attention is continually lost to the fruits of this world. And the fruits of this world aren’t even fruits that I enjoy. Nonetheless, they’re fruits that I take in anyway and that I believe are killing me slowly one-by-one to God. And I know this, yet I continually get lost in the path of this world eating the poisoned fruit which is even sour to my taste, but it fills me up so I continue. Also, I don’t have a lot of revelation on direction right now, and because of that I am tempted to take things into my own hands and create my own way. I am drawn away from God because I haven’t seen any fruit from Him in awhile and maybe that’s because he’s trying to create a lasting endurance of some sort within me. I don’t know. But I know I need to be more faithful towards God, especially in the fruitless seasons. I don’t want to have to be given a cookie every time I take a step towards Him. I should choose Him because He is the only thing that will be left when this world ends. And when these blinds in front of my understanding are pulled back, He will be better than anything I can comprehend now. I can’t help but worry that God will eventually tire of my continual falling. I guess there’s still some part of me which is still ignorant of how faithful God is and how much he loves me. I still regularly pray for the grace from God to reveal His love to me. And if your reading this ask Him to send some love this way.. Sorry for the dark and dreary post, just trying to be real.